1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
