My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
