Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize