i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
