He had one of those small greek statue penises
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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