do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize