Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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