We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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