you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
