i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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