Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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