That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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