a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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