I think i sorta joined a cult last night
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
