belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
