When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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