guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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