I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
