tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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