Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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