Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
