Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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