I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
