Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
