my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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