mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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