broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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