i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
