i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Someone came in the potted fern
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
