Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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