i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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