My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
