I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
there's paper in my vomit.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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