apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
