I only kidnapped one of them. chill
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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