Pappa wants mamma naked
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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