my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
