White coat. Heels.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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