do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
