Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
