i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
