Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Randomize
