2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Randomize
