Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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