he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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