If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
