just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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