so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
