You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
