so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
