shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
