I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
