Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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