I wish my penis had an off switch
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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