My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
