Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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