I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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