Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
