I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
