I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
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