We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
