I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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