I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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