You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
